I’m waiting. Am I waiting for a cure? Am I waiting for political harmony? Cooler weather? Or am I waiting for Godot? With temperatures in the high 90s the past few days, I’ve been inside most of the time. Brief early morning forays into the garden, harvesting, staking, weeding. Not too long. Kwait’s dog has been with us since they are at LBI for a few days. So I’ve stayed in the house with Tosh while Diane takes Nala for a morning longer walk. The AC is on, but it has a hard time keeping up with the heat. It’s July 4; a holiday; independence; barbecues; fireworks; a celebration freedom. Why am I waiting?
There have been several feel good, let’s bury the hatchets, stop arguing politics, we can get along, listen and trust each other articles that I read. I strain, yes, that would be good. But . . . but . . . I don’t feel it. Independence, freedom for me is having control. It’s a bad trip if I’m in the hands of fate, circumstances, or other people. I’ve been struggling with my medical issues; will I be able to; do this; go there; can I do what I want?
Our political climate leaves me feeling powerless. In the 1960s, I was a 20 year old who thought our country, the world, was ripe for positive change. Equality, equity, independence, more freedom. Sixty years later; I repeat, sixty years later we have Trump and company. They are rolling back civil rights, environmental policy, worker protection, the safety net for the poor and disabled, affirmative action, women’s rights, gay rights and the list goes on. Our Allies are our enemies; dictators are our friends. And somewhere between 30 and 40 percent of Americans like it. I don’t feel very independent, free or in control.
” No taxation without representation.” One in a list of complaints the American colonists had against the British government in 1776, listed in the Declaration of Independence. If I was a Pennsylvanian then, I suspect I would have been on the side of revolution, independence, and freedom. I’ve tried today to reconcile that spirit with my current “I’m not in control feeling.” It’s not easy. But I’m hopeful.
There was some garden harvest today. I enjoyed reading an Irish book, “The Whereabouts of Eneas McNulty” recommended by Trish O’Connor. I dealt with my medical issues. And I thought about things. I don’t have answers but I will wait, hope and yes, prevail. Maybe I am still independent; maybe I’m free. Maybe. Damm it. I am.